Life... busy, fun, exciting, frustrating, overwhelming, scary. It seems life comes in seasons. As I look back over my thirty-(cough, cough) some years, I can completely see how this is so true. I was married in my early twenties and of course, like most newlyweds, I tended to view my future and life with rose colored glasses. Of course, I had read the books, had pre-marital counseling, and seemed to think I had a good grip on life. But I quickly realized that life requires work, effort, patience, understanding, endurance, and most importantly, a solid relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. Even though I "knew" these things, as I experienced "life", I became fully aware that it is not easy. I've experienced pain, loss, heartache, as well as joy, happiness, fulfillment, excitement. But, what I've learned the most is through it all, there has been one constant in my life who has proven himself to me over and over again... Jesus Christ. No matter what situation I have ever faced, he has been what I needed. He has been my peace, joy, firm foundation, and constant through every storm and joy of life.
I say all of this because as I was thinking of possibly taking down this blog, I realized the original reason I started writing was to journal my journey.... which can not be separated from my relationship with Christ. I want to continue to document what the Lord has done and is doing in my life. May it be a source of encouragement to you and a reminder to my family and friends of the God I serve. He is a good God, a mighty God, the ONLY God!
Over the past year, I have said good-bye to my job as teacher to stay at home with my boy. Originally, this was not my plan. But, of course Isaiah 55:8 reminds me that my ways are not always His ways. God had began tugging at my heart in the fall of 2013. You see, I have a story here. If you don't know me, then you need to know that my husband and I were not suppose to be able to have children. Well, the exact wording from the doctor was "you may have a chance with medical help". In other words, infertility treatments, surgeries, etc. Let me stop here and say I have nothing against medical help for those dealing with infertility. But for my husband and I, we both agreed that we did not want to go down that road. I had witnessed this same scenario with friends. After surgeries, traveling once a month for treatments, it completely took over their life and in the end they still ended with heartache and disappointment. I did not want that kind of life. We surrendered it to God and said your will be done. If you want us to have children, we will. If you don't want us to have children, we won't. Either way, we wanted God's will. Now, I realize I just made it sound like we were just happy go lucky either way. But in truth, we were heartbroken. I cried... a lot! I prayed.... a lot! It was my desire to have children and be a mommy. Ever since I was a little girl, all I really wanted to do in life was to be a mommy. So, for 11 and half years we waited, we doubted, we trusted. We even attempted foster care. You can read about that here and here. Looking back now, we know God had a plan. Then we had the surprise of our life. In February of 2012, we found out we were going to be parents. Only God! We welcomed a healthy baby boy on October 18, 2012.
I went back to work after three months and did ok. It was difficult at first, but I loved my job and students and my boy was being taken care of in the same building which made my transition fairly easy. But, truth be told, I felt like staying home wasn't an option for me, ever. And honestly, at the time it wasn't... but God had a plan.I survived the next few months until summer break and then enjoyed the best summer I had ever had. When I went back to work in the fall, I just felt dissatisfied. And then it happened, God spoke to my heart and began placing that strong feeling and longing in me to be at home, raising the blessing he gave me. I've been through enough in life and have read in scripture that when God says something is going to happen, it will! But, I doubted, was scared and unsure and honestly could not see how it would work out. But.... God had a plan. In reality, I wanted it to happen. But, oh my faith needed some work. Then I happen to come across an old prayer journal I had written three years earlier. It was one of those days. Longing, desiring, heart aching to be a mom. I wrote how I just wanted to be a mom, a stay at home mom. I completely realized that God was giving me the desires of my heart. I needed to trust him, depend on him and watch him work out the situation. Which is much like how Trevor and I got together... haha! that's a whole other story. Anyway, I prayed and asked God to increase my faith and I surrendered to his call.
Here I am six months into this stay at home mom gig and I must again say God is faithful. Has it been easy? No, not completely. Have there been sacrifices? Absolutely. But God has provided in more ways than I could have ever imagined. The joy of being with my son everyday has completely outweighed any sacrifices I needed to make.
So, this is my new season for now. Again, I can't say it enough... God is faithful. I choose to soak it up, enjoy it, take it in, knowing that this season will not last forever.
